Bye-Bye, Birdies

  • Posted on April 3, 2008 at 6:08 pm

Ever since Larry and I moved into the townhouse, there has been something living in the vent above the microwave oven in the kitchen.

The first time I heard them, as my mom and I were unpacking the kitchen, I freaked out a bit. I like animals, but not wild ones living in my house. My overactive imagination assumed that it was a family of pterodactyls or giant R.O.U.S.’s (Rodents of Unusual Size, duh.) I positioned a scary looking plastic iguana in the cupboard over the microwave to scare away any critters should they find a way out.

However, I soon heard little tweets and chirps, and realized that birds had taken up residence. Smart birds, obviously, because the vent surely stayed much warmer than any raggedy nest they could have lived in outside in January. To get them to shut up, I’d turn the fan on, but it didn’t do much. I called the property managers, and they sent pest control out to ‘take care’ of the situation. They determined that it would be too hard to remove them from the vent, so we were to let them live there until they were old enough to fly out, at which point they would cover up the vent opening on the outside of the house.

Naturally, I befriended my little freeloaders. Every morning, they chirped when they heard me in the kitchen, and I’d say hello, and ask how they were doing. I gave them names: Mustang Sally was the mom, and the babies were Eleanor Rigby, Lovely Rita and Michelle Ma Belle. The babies hit puberty in February, and they got louder (presumably lots of fights with Sally, door slamming, etc.) They also became mean, and would laugh at me if I dropped or spilled something. Little bird bitches, they don’t know how good they had it, living in the vent.

Being the smart little birds that they were, I’m fairly certain that they were building an amusement park for birds, complete with rides and funnel cakes. Inside our vent.

Larry noticed that they were flying in and out of the vent opening during the day (with the amusement park items), so the time had come to send them on their way. Pest control came back out to the house yesterday and sealed the opening, the door to their home and future amusement park.

Damn it, I miss those little birds.