Bye-Bye, Birdies

  • Posted on April 3, 2008 at 6:08 pm

Ever since Larry and I moved into the townhouse, there has been something living in the vent above the microwave oven in the kitchen.

The first time I heard them, as my mom and I were unpacking the kitchen, I freaked out a bit. I like animals, but not wild ones living in my house. My overactive imagination assumed that it was a family of pterodactyls or giant R.O.U.S.’s (Rodents of Unusual Size, duh.) I positioned a scary looking plastic iguana in the cupboard over the microwave to scare away any critters should they find a way out.

However, I soon heard little tweets and chirps, and realized that birds had taken up residence. Smart birds, obviously, because the vent surely stayed much warmer than any raggedy nest they could have lived in outside in January. To get them to shut up, I’d turn the fan on, but it didn’t do much. I called the property managers, and they sent pest control out to ‘take care’ of the situation. They determined that it would be too hard to remove them from the vent, so we were to let them live there until they were old enough to fly out, at which point they would cover up the vent opening on the outside of the house.

Naturally, I befriended my little freeloaders. Every morning, they chirped when they heard me in the kitchen, and I’d say hello, and ask how they were doing. I gave them names: Mustang Sally was the mom, and the babies were Eleanor Rigby, Lovely Rita and Michelle Ma Belle. The babies hit puberty in February, and they got louder (presumably lots of fights with Sally, door slamming, etc.) They also became mean, and would laugh at me if I dropped or spilled something. Little bird bitches, they don’t know how good they had it, living in the vent.

Being the smart little birds that they were, I’m fairly certain that they were building an amusement park for birds, complete with rides and funnel cakes. Inside our vent.

Larry noticed that they were flying in and out of the vent opening during the day (with the amusement park items), so the time had come to send them on their way. Pest control came back out to the house yesterday and sealed the opening, the door to their home and future amusement park.

Damn it, I miss those little birds.


10 Comments on Bye-Bye, Birdies

  1. Brandon

    Ha! So funny!

  2. Brandon

    Wait. How did you know that there were three of them and they were all female?

  3. Brandon

    Rodents of Unusual Size??? I don’t believe in them…..aahhhhhhhh!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!11!!!!1!! nom nom nom nom AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!111!!one!!!11!!!!!! nom nom nom nom nom. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

  4. DCBlogs » DC Blogs Noted

    [...] A family of birds living in a vent above a stove had attitude. Kings of the Road. Excerpt: Every morning, they chirped when they heard me in the kitchen, and I’d say hello, and ask how they were doing … [...]

  5. Sharkie

    R.O.U.S?!?! I could have told you not to worry about that… all the ones in the greater DC area live in my apartment! :-(

  6. lacochran

    A few years back, in a previous residence, we had a family of birds nesting in a dryer vent. We thought they were by the cap/house exterior but, it turns out they were getting comfy in the bendy exhaust pipe right behind the dryer. We realized this one day when one of them worked its way clear through through the bendy exhaust pipe material and freaked out all over the house. We finally got it out of the house.

    Glad you had a resolution without birdy-poop on everything.

  7. Bethany

    @Brandon–I just KNEW there were three plus a mommy, and that they were all girls. I could tell by their tweets. Or maybe I just thought of four cute names and thus there were four.

    @Sharkie–maybe I should give you the giant plastic iguana to scare away the ROUS’es in your apartment!

    @Lacochran–thanks for reading and commenting! Your bird story sounds a lot worse than mine–I can’t imagine having a bird flying around in the house!!

  8. Linda

    How do you know that they didn’t seal any members of the family or “guests” at the amusement park in there?

  9. Bethany

    @Linda–great question. The birds were pretty loud, and we could normally hear them when they were home, or working on the amusement park. But to be sure, the pest control guys puffed some weird aerosol chemical through the vent to encourage them to leave if they were there, and to kill any lice/ticks that may have been in the vent.

    Unfortunately, they didn’t tell me until AFTER they did this. I was in the middle of making a salad for lunch, and a cloud of chemicals puffed out directly onto my salad. EW. I threw it away.

  10. Brandon

    Om nom nom nom nom.

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