I fell down the stairs yesterday. My foot just slipped out from under me on the first step, like falling on black ice on a sidewalk in the winter. I landed right on my ass, and then bumped HARD down the next two stairs. I felt a searing pain in my tail bone and midway up my back. The wind completely knocked out of my lungs, all I could do was groan in agony. It reminded me of a time when I was young and fell on a roller skating rink. I couldn’t even talk, it hurt so bad.
I was also carrying the baby.
She is just fine–I think she thought it was a fun ride that I invented, just like the “bounce on mommy’s knee” game. Except this time, it was bounce in mommy’s arms while she gets the shit kicked out of her back and butt.
I have always wondered what would happen if I did fall or slip holding her, and now I know-I instinctively protect her above all else. My super mommy powers prevent her from any harm. It was instinct–do not let go, do not let go, do not let go. I still feel so guilty though, for having come so close.
I was just talking to Amy about this subject, because she has a bad knee that sometimes goes out on her, and she just tumbles to the ground. I told Amy that if she was carrying a baby while it happened, I thought her body would instinctively protect the baby.
So, I am grateful that it was ME holding her when I fell, and not someone else holding her and falling–I can’t say for certain that everyone has the instinct to protect a baby in their arms at all costs.
I have to admit that I did get nervous when she was just a newborn when certain other people would hold her. Those not used to holding babies, or clumsy people. It is awful to admit, but it’s true. If you’re reading this and you held my baby when she was a newborn, then the answer is YES, I was hovering over you because I was nervous. Because I was trying to protect her should you have stumbled or dropped her. Maybe this is a normal feeling for new moms?
As soon as he heard me groaning, Larry came running. He took the baby from me, and I sat on the stairs, unable to really move yet. SO. MUCH. PAIN. Fighting back tears and losing the battle. The impact jolted my spine badly. BADLY. I made it down to the couch and immediately took four ibuprofen.
I could walk and move my arms, legs, fingers and toes. I had no numbness anywhere. JUST PAIN. When I had back labor during childbirth, I had never felt anything like it before. Well, THIS FELT LIKE BACK LABOR. FUCK.
When Larry asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, I said no. More because I am scared of what they will say. What if they tell me I can’t hold Stella? What if I need surgery? What if I broke something or slipped a disk? What if the pain is PERMANENT? It’s better that I just grit my teeth and deal with the pain and not know. Not the best way to deal with it, I know. I don’t need any lectures.
Today the pain is better. It still hurts though. I will not go to the doctor unless it gets worse. I can hold my baby, and that is all that matters.
Found you by way of DCblogs.com; beautiful little girl you’ve got, but I don’t need to tell you that. And the answer is yes, that hovering thing is totally normal for new moms. At least I hope so, because I did the same thing, and still kind of do, though to a lesser extent. (My boy is about a week older than Stella.) Hope your back feels better soon.
Hello!
I’m extremely glad to hear that your daughter is just fine! I read a snippet from this post today in The Express and my heart really went out to you. My wife and I experienced virtually the same thing when our youngest son was about 5 months old. The big differences were - his Aunt was coming down the steps and she DROPPED him!
My wife and I were coming up the basement steps and her sister was coming down the upstairs steps just above us and then we heard this commotion! I think I ran up the steps and into the living room in about 2 seconds flat! There was my little son at the bottom of the ‘carpeted’ steps crying and my Sister-In-Law sitting on about the 6th or 7th step looking crazy. I swept up my son and started checking him for anything that didn’t look right and I’m yelling [not so nice words at her] to ask what happened. She babbled about something or another… BUT SHE DROPPED MY FREAKIN’ SON!!! She dropped him a long way.
I understand that a slip can happen and I understand that it hurts - but YOU responded like a PARENT. YOU took the shot for your baby. YOU are what a true PARENT is - The Self Sacrificer. I hope you feel much better very soon.
You know… its been almost 4 years since she dropped my son and I still can’t forgive her for it. He was fine thena nd he’s fine now, but in my heart - My Sister-In-Law showed me something that day. Something bad, something disappointing. And to make things worse - she actually mentioned that day a few weeks ago with almost a laugh in her voice like it was some cute little event like pulling a childs tooth. Okay.. okay… enough reflection - I’m sorry.
I’m REALLY glad that you and your daughter are okay!!!
TTBM
@Susan–thanks! I’m glad to know I’m not the only mom that hovers. Your son is gorgeous!
@The Thinking Black Man–what an awful experience you had with your sister-in-law! I can’t even imagine how you must have felt. I would have probably reacted the same way. I’m glad to hear that your son is okay.
Congrats on getting quoted in the Express and feel better soon!
Bethany — your instincts and natural reaction make me feel so much better! (Well — not the pain you had to go through, yuck.) But the fact that your motherly instincts took over even when your body was coming down the ski mountain. I will try to stop worrying about my knee incidents and just believe in the power of being a mom.