Broken Heart, Starving Brain

  • Posted on July 27, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Tomorrow I return to work after about fifteen weeks of maternity leave. I am broken hearted at the thought of leaving Stella at daycare. Even though I know she’ll be in good hands, I still worry: will she remember that I’m her mommy? Will I get enough time with her? (NO!) Can I do this?

I know I’m not the first woman on the planet to struggle with this. My brain wants the intellectual challenge of work, and stimulating conversations with successful adults, and I want to wear business casual and heels.

But I also want to be the best mother I can be for Stella. I want to be there for all her firsts. Ah, the dilemma.

Realistically, I HAVE to work, unless we move to North Dakota and live in an a-frame and buy our clothes at Walmart and eat processed foods and drink budweiser.

I know I just have to do my best, as a mother and a professional. Too bad I can’t be a professional mother.

5 Comments on Broken Heart, Starving Brain

  1. Susan

    I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m working the night shift specifically so I don’t have to put Soren in daycare (he’s home with his daddy and asleep most of the time I’m at work). Probably a bit of a crazy choice, but it’s (mostly) working out. Best of luck to you. I’m sure it’s all going to be just fine, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult.

  2. Susan

    So how was the first day?

  3. Bethany

    @Susan–there was a lot of crying (just me) on my first day back. The baby did great. They love her at daycare. Work was the same, but different. Pumping at work–that is a different story!

  4. Susan

    Yeah! I’m lucky working at night because there’s no one else in our office, and I can pump right at my desk. How do you manage it?

    I’m glad daycare and Stella are agreeing with each other so far.

  5. Beth and "Family Man"

    Hi you two,
    I just read a few of your stories, very interesting and entertaining. I love it.
    Margie told me about your blog so I checked it out.
    Keep up the good work. Stella is beautiful and so smart, bless her little heart.
    I’ll keep reading when I get a minute. Tell Family Man we said hello.
    Bev & Fred

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