Santa is Real, I Swear

  • Posted on December 11, 2008 at 9:56 pm

Somehow, he seems more evil than he ever did when I was a kid. Something about the eyebrows.

Somehow, he seems more evil than he ever did when I was a kid. Something about the eyebrows.

I am going to admit something embarrassing.

I believed in Santa until I was in the fourth grade. Yes, that’s right. I was nine years old. All of my friends knew the truth. In fact, it was my friend Macy and her mom who finally told me that Santa wasn’t real one December evening as we sat eating dinner at the Frisch’s Big Boy in Union Lake, Michigan. And I distinctly remember where I was when I learned the truth because it was so traumatic for me.

I just wanted to believe so badly. I loved the magic of Christmas, and I ate up all of the fantasy and excitement. I was a smart little whippersnapper, but I somehow managed to rationalize Santa’s existence. “Santa HAS to be real, because I only told Santa that I wanted a bike, and I am sure that I never told Mom and Dad.” And the old “I am SURE that when Mom and Dad went to bed there were no presents out. There has to be a Santa because I woke up before Mom and Dad and there were presents! Who else could have put them there?”

My parents endured ENDLESS questions about the existence of Santa, and never spoiled it for me, even though I’m sure they were dying to tell me the truth just to shut me up. They kept telling me that if I didn’t believe, then Santa wouldn’t come. I wanted presents, so I believed, goddamnit!

I am so excited to make Santa real again with Stella. I may not believe in the baby Jesus, but I believe in the magic of Christmas. I can’t wait to tell her all the little details that my parents and grandparents told me to make it so real, like looking for Santa’s sleigh in the starry sky on Christmas Eve. I can’t wait to put boot prints next to the fireplace and take bites out of cookies left out for Santa. I can’t wait to put out a little elf in the house and tell her that the elf is watching her and reporting back to Santa. Just like my parents did. In fact, sometimes the little elf STILL shows up mysteriously in my house. And he doesn’t even have legs anymore.

Most Unusual Motorcade

  • Posted on December 10, 2008 at 9:56 pm

Yesterday I was driving Stella to school and I was stopped by a motorcade. It’s not such a rare occurrence when you live in D.C., although I don’t see them as often in my nouveau ghetto Virginia suburb as when I lived in Bethesda or D.C.

But this was no ordinary motorcade.

We sat at a stoplight, and two cops on motorcycles blocked traffic on Arlington Blvd. in both directions. As we waited, more cops on motorcycles drove by, trailing the last of the cars turning onto the main road. Traffic was at a complete standstill.

A closeknit cluster of police motorcycles and cars crested the hill–here they come, I thought! Who could it be? A diplomat? Brangelina? Rhett Miller? Or–gulp–the president, on his way to…hmm…McDonalds? (I live in a McDonalds neighborhood, not a Starbucks neighborhood.)

As the car passed us by, I saw Santa Claus himself, flanked by two reindeer, waving from the back of the gray sedan. He turned onto the main road and was gone in a flash. It was the most exciting thing that has happened to me all week.

What I would like to know is–where was Santa going at 7:30 in the morning in Falls Church, Virginia, and why did he need a police escort?

Gallery of Firsts, Part One

  • Posted on December 8, 2008 at 11:03 pm

Because I am too busy and too tired to write anything even remotely interesting, I present to you: a Gallery of Stella’s Firsts, Part One:

As you can see, Stella has been a busy little girl. Next on the agenda: growing teeth, saying mama, and high fives.

You’re a Bottlecap Away From Pushing Me Too Far

  • Posted on November 5, 2008 at 10:15 pm

When I have a bad day, I like to put the Old 97’s on and sing my favorite songs at the top of my lungs.

Then I get some StellaTherapy. Snuggles and slobbery kisses and giggles make my frustrations melt away.

Stella’s Woodland Wonderland

  • Posted on October 26, 2008 at 8:44 pm

I am in love with blik.  That’s right–blik.

In our neverending effort to make Stella the coolest kid on the block, the envy of all other babies and the all-around happy-go-luckiest girl there ever was, we decorated the walls of her play area in the living room.

I decided that the walls were too drab–just plain old green. She needed visual stimulation. So I googled “wall decals” and the first thing that came up was blik.

They have just about the coolest decals I have ever seen. I know, I know, when you think of decals, you think of the little stickers that your dad put on your big wheel tires on Christmas morning. Not those kind of decals.

I decided on the “wee gallery woodland” theme.

How can you not be jealous of this?

Stellas Woodland Wonderland

Stella's Woodland Wonderland

Just look at the little hedgehog! and the mushrooms! and the owl!

I want to get decals for every room in the house. Seriously.  Maybe I’ll get some purple trees for the guest room, and some giant robots for the rec room, and a fancy chandelier for the dining room.

They even have decals based on the artwork from the latest album of a band I like called Of Montreal. Love it love it love it.

(Blik did not pay me to write this, swear to god.)

Quel Weekend

  • Posted on October 20, 2008 at 9:13 pm

We had a very busy weekend. I am too tired to write about it, so I’ll let the pictures tell the story.

On Friday, Stella had her six month check up, complete with shots. She screamed and then it was over.

On Friday, Stella had her six month check up, complete with shots. She screamed and then it was over.

On Saturday, we went to the zoo with Timmy, Chris and Maggie. Stella didnt really notice any animals.

On Saturday, we went to the zoo with Timmy, Chris and Maggie. Stella didn't really notice any animals.

On Sunday, we had friends over for playing. The adults ate chili and the kids learned about sharing.

On Sunday, we had friends over to play. The adults ate chili and the kids learned about sharing.

Stella is a big hit with the boys.

Stella is a big hit with the boys. nomnomnomnomnom!

Happy Half Birthday!

  • Posted on October 16, 2008 at 9:38 pm

Stella is six months old today! It’s hard to believe that much time has gone by, but it’s also hard to remember what life was like before her. She rocks my world.

Sorry for not posting much lately. I’ve been really busy, mostly because of this. I’ve had to, like, communicate.

Stella, or Pookie, as I sometimes call her, has also been busy. She’s growing some teeth. She’s eating rice cereal. Her favorite band is Abba–all day long I hear her say “aaahhhbaaa aaaahhhbbbaaaa.” They must play it at daycare, because I sure as hell don’t listen to Abba. I thought that Mama Mia was ridiculous.

I’m now in the market for a highchair and a lightweight, umbrella stroller. God, babies need a lot of stuff. And we have the WRONG stuff, so now we need NEW stuff.

First time eating rice cereal. Kinda messy.

Work it.

Oh hey, what is this black thing you’re putting in my face? Gimmee Gimmee Gimmee, I need to taste it.

This is so sad…

  • Posted on September 30, 2008 at 7:41 pm

I can’t stop thinking about this. It’s a blog about a woman who got a septic streptococcal pneumoniae infection when she was pregnant.

The blog is a little hard to follow, but here is the rundown: Carol had to have an emergency c-section back in June because she got really sick. Then, her blood started clotting uncontrollably, I think due to the drugs she was on to help her blood pressure stabilize, and it basically made parts of her body die.

Her skin died and started sloughing off, necessitating skin grafts.

Her legs had to be amputated below the knee.

Her left arm was amputated below the elbow.

Her right ring finger was amputated.

The nerves in her eyes died and now she is also blind.

All because she got a strep infection.

Can you even imagine? You are pregnant, looking forward to the birth of your child. The next thing you know, you wake up in the hospital and your life has completely flipped the fuck out. Like your worst nightmare.

To be in that state, and not be able to feed, nurture, cuddle or kiss your newborn baby. The baby not even knowing its mother. And, the woman also has an older daughter–it looks like she’s a toddler, maybe two or three years old. The family seems to have a great support system, and the baby is now thriving. But still. The husband always seems to have a positive attitude when he writes updates.

My heart goes out to them. Get well, Carol.

Sitting Is, Like, So Easy

  • Posted on September 28, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Guess who is soooo advanced that she can sit all by herself?

That’s right. Stella. And she makes it look sooooo easy, doesn’t she?

Also, I won a month’s free membership to Gymboree, so we decided to check it out yesterday. It was fun, but I don’t think I need to pay $77 a month to play with my baby. The only thing they have that I don’t is a giant, colorful parachute.

That little doll in the background is actually a real baby. Doesn’t it look like one of those dolls they give you to practice changing diapers and administering CPR at baby care classes?

I think Stella is getting her first tooth–she has been drooling up a storm, sticking her fingers in her mouth constantly, and she was a little irritable tonight. Poor baby.

Get That BPA Out of Your Mouth Right Now

  • Posted on September 23, 2008 at 5:45 pm

All of the talk about BPA has really muddled my brain. BPA, short for Bisphenol A, is a compound used to make water bottles, CDs, sports equipment, and other common consumer goods. Oh, and did I mention baby bottles?

The controversy, in a nutshell, is some reports say that BPA causes hyperactivity, fertility problems, cancer, autism, growth problems, ETC ETC ETC. Just your run-of-the-mill toxic element wreaking havoc on your body. Some countries, such as Germany and Canada, are even trying to ban BPA.

Just a few weeks ago, the FDA issued a final report on it’s study of BPA, concluding that there is “no direct evidence for health effects in people.” The report says that similar conclusions have been reached by other government agencies such as the European Food Safety Authority.

Then another report was released that said BPA causes heart disease.

So I really don’t know what to think anymore, except maybe stick to my theory that pretty much anything can kill you, so moderation is best.

But I also like the creed “better safe than sorry”, so I took advantage of the little-known Babies R Us policy that allows you to exchange your bottles for BPA-free bottles. You don’t need receipts, packages, or boxes–just the bottles. (Don’t forget the little bottle brushes, or they’ll subtract a dollar. Unless you distract the cashier and they forget to subtract a dollar, which also works.) They will give you store credit for new bottles. It also comes in handy when you aren’t so fond of the bottles you already have, like if you have Doctor Browns bottles with those eleventy billion gazillion little parts.

So return your bottles, be worry free about BPA in your baby, and try out a new brand of bottles!